When you wait half an hour for a bus that's supposed to come every five minutes, and three come along at once, THAT'S BORIS JOHNSON.
If your feet hurt at the end of a long day, THAT'S BORIS JOHNSON.
Boris Johnson was responsible unleashing smallpox in America.
When someone asks Boris Johnson if he's afraid of Jack Bauer, he replies "That picanniny?"
Boris Johnson knows where Madeleine McCann is.
Boris Johnson is really the person who dared L Ron Hubbard to invent Scientology.
Boris Johnson was the inspiration behind the Ewoks, Jar Jar Binks and everything else that ever went wrong with Star Wars.
Boris Johnson personally reviews all of Russell T Davies' Doctor Who scripts.
Boris Johnson has been scientifically proven to be a critical part of the chemical reaction that makes your hair look stupid when it's really humid.
Boris Johnson puts leaves on train tracks - but only the wrong sort.
Boris Johnson is Yoko Ono.
The writers of Lost asked Boris how they should end the series.
Boris Johnson steals odd socks from your washing machine.
Boris Johnson told your parents that Grand Theft Auto IV turns children into murderers.
Every time you say you don't believe in fairies, Boris Johnson kills a little bit of Kylie Minogue.
Boris Johnson invented the theory of intelligent design for a laugh.
Not even twelve pygmies have the strength of a single Boris Johnson.
Boris Johnson framed Angus Deayton.
Boris Johnson shot JFK.
The inventor of Flickr video? Boris Johnson.
Boris Johnson steals your toilet paper.
Boris Johnson doesn't understand right-click.
Boris Johnson doesn't understand double-click, either.
Not even the Thames Barrier could stop Boris Johnson.
Boris Johnson is actually the physical manifestation of the storm botnet.
Boris Johnson invented Facebook.
Boris Johnson also invented Compare Your Friends.
Boris Johnson enjoyed Alien vs. Predator: Requiem.
Boris Johnson is in your London, mayoring your capital.
Boris Johnson fancies your mum.
Network Rail is actually run by the 10% spare capacity in Boris Johnson's brain.
Boris Johnson doesn't think kittens are cute - he throws them in the Thames.
Boris Johnson wants you to punch the monkey to win an iPod.
Boris Johnson stopped you using Facebook at work.
Boris Johnson secretly pays commuters to bring non-foldy bikes on rush hour trains.
Boris Johnson makes it rain on Bank Holiday weekends.
Boris Johnson thinks Hilary Clilnton should be president.
Now that he's mayor of London, Boris Johnson has changed all the timing signals on traffic lights so you hit all the reds on the way to work.
Boris Johnson owns a cellar excavation company in Austria.
Boris Johnson cried at the end of Titanic.
Boris Johnson uses the London Underground to blow-dry his hair.
Boris Johnson thinks Fox made the right decision about Firefly.
It is not possible to carbon-offset Boris Johnson due to the sheer quantity of hot air he gnerates.
Boris Johnson cancelled Grange Hill.
Boris Johnson puts the red LEDs in XBOX 360s.
Boris Johnson thinks globalisation means eating more.
Boris Johnson makes you think you left the gas on.
Boris Johnson is allowed to carry more liquids on planes than you are.
Microsoft asked Boris Johnson for his advice when they wrote Windows Vista.